Triggered? 12 questions to ask yourself
The mistake every one of us makes when feeling the hot-under-the-collar influence of our triggers is that it is the fault of someone else.
That someone is making us feel our anger, or frustration, or rage, or disappointment. That there is someone to blame for the way we feel and ultimately, that same someone is to blame for how we think and react to how we feel.
I’ll admit, there are days I want this to be true.
But it’s totally not. How we feel and what we think and do happens inside of us. It’s all us. And we’re not to blame either. There’s no gain in self-criticism because it lacks the vital energy of life-affirming and life-sustaining love—the only real power.
The good news is that you can absolutely calm yourself and move past the trigger by first realizing you’re not going to say, do, or think anything worthwhile when your feel emotionally charged. Instead, take a deep breath, close your eyes, get centered by feeling your heart and the ground under your feet. Wait a few seconds until you feel quieter inside, then ask yourself these questions:
Why do I care about this?
Is any of this really important to me?
Do I just want to fight to be right?
Does what I’m angry about even matter?
Is this thing even mine?
Am I just caught up in the energy of indignation?
Who/what in me cares about this?
Who/what in me needs validation to feel safe?
What in me is scared and needs to make my point at all cost?
Is it okay if other people think differently than me?
Why is it so important that this person believe the same way I do?
Who/what is in control of me right now? What voice am I listening to?
I’ve found these questions useful to center and connect with my highest sane self. It’s helped me discover that I’m usually upset about nothing trying to pretend it’s something. And once I’m my highest self again, clear, concise, and compassionate solutions come to me that wouldn’t have occurred otherwise. They are always from a much wiser perspective and always helpful.
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