Relationship problems? 9 statements that can help
I’ve written about relationship issues before, and used this exact statement template I created to help me shift my perspective toward someone who was a trigger for me.
That’s right—shift MY perspective about the relationship. Since I’m the one feeling the trigger within me, I’m the only one who can change how I feel about something or someone. I can’t change anyone else, only me.
And I did shift the relationship. Not only that, but with my new view the relationship became a blessing by transforming a false idea I held about myself—that someone else is responsible for my happiness or misery. Neither is true and that goes for every relationship whether it’s at work, with a pet or family member, friend, neighbor, country, or deity.
Most of the time those we want to blame for our unhappiness have no idea we believe them the cause.
They aren’t. The misery is within us. The people who trigger us are simply pinging a pain already in us, and most likely, doing a good job of it. In order to release this pain energy, we must be willing to see the person or circumstance in a different way. We must recognize the experience as an inner growth opportunity with the potential to end a debilitating program of suffering.
People can’t show up for us in a different way if we’re stuck believing we already know who they are. That image becomes our reality because we won’t accept anything other than our belief. We’re not open to seeing them as anything different and don’t know we’re not open, so they can’t show us anything different because we can’t see it. Our focus is primarily on the other person and what they need to change so we feel better.
This is not only unfair to put the responsibility for our feelings on someone else, but an impossible task for them to fulfill. They are not us. They have not lived us. We have to be for ourselves what we want others to be.
These statements below can help. Please read through them slowly and insert the name of anyone you’d like a better relationship with, or at least not feel triggered by them.
You will see the statements have nothing to do with the other person, and everything to do with owning the power of creation within you. Change your mind by finding the benefit of your circumstance and your whole outer world changes to reflect what you know to be true for you.
I’m willing to see that I’m not a victim.
I’m willing to accept that everything that happens in my life is something I’m creating either consciously or unconsciously.
That said, I’m willing to accept that I was unsure of my value and created plenty of opportunity to decide my value.
I’m willing to have a relationship with myself that is in full alignment with who I know myself to be on a conscious level.
I’m grateful to my __________ for playing along with me to create a situation that helped me get clear about my value.
I’m ending the story and any creative methods I’ve used to tell this story including needing my ________ to show up in a certain way.
I’m willing to allow my _______ to have his/her story without any judgments from me.
I’m willing to have a _______ who respects me for who I am.
I’m willing to create good boundaries around what feels right for me and let go of what doesn’t without telling any stories.
This is a template only. Create your own words for whatever you’re working on in a relationship. What are you willing to do/be/allow/see/have in order to improve your relationships by becoming free of the pain energy within?
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