Do you want a conscious, self-assured child/grandchild? Here’s one idea to accomplish that.

I like taking classes, learning new skills, and expanding on ways to consciously create my life. I just finished an online class based on Neale Donald Walsh’s bestselling book Awaken the Species. The core teaching is based on the 16 behavioral differences between an awakened species and one that is not—mainly human beings.

One of the behavioral differences I found particularly interesting is Behavior #13: Never compete. It states:

“An awakened species never competes. Humans in an unawakened state are often in competition with each other.”

These two sentences above offer sooooo much fodder for discussion, but today I’m going to narrow the focus to youth sports. That said, the same information can be applied with any youth activity (or life situation such as career, dating, etc.) where competition is at play.  

Here’s what I see happening at children’s sporting events. The child is playing the game. He knows the moves/techniques. He wants to win. He’s trying really hard to win. He loses. I hear the parents/grandparents say, great job, good effort, then proceed to point out all the little things he did “wrong,” and the kid’s smile fades.

It goes something like this: “You were winning, you almost had them, if you would’ve just done this or that.” Or “You need to want it more.” Or “Good job buddy, you’ll get them next time,” which seems like a supportive thing to say after a loss, but it’s still about winning. What you’re really saying is, good job, you’ll win next time. Winning is the goal.

Now consider the tender age children are forced to compete—yes, forced, because young children aren’t competitive by nature. They are nurturers. What does that actually do to their psyches?

I see little ones as young as five competing in sports and crying. Crying is a completely natural response, yet they are told to “toughen up, don’t cry.” Repress what comes naturally. And they are made to compete in the exact same way, yet again. Over and over, conditioning and programming the naturalness out of the child. And I actually hear parents say, “That kid’s just not aggressive enough. They need to get tougher.” For who?

Telling (or demanding) children (no matter their age) to toughen up or repress what they feel is a recipe for a future adult with deep anger issues, anxiety, and an inability to cope with life/relationships in a stable, self-loving way.

As sporting events are set up now, in order for someone to win the other must lose. This is normal, but certainly not (in my opinion) the way to teach anything worth learning in order to advance consciousness.

Since we’re not actually going to change the way sports are played in this current environment, perhaps we can find a more conscious way to use the sporting experience as a tool to help the child understand himself and his choices in a more self-empowering way.

Perhaps parents can be proud of their children no matter what and model their unconditional love by not adding the extra commentary that the child already heard from the coach. She already understands the techniques, already wants badly enough to play the sport and win. She really doesn’t need armchair coaching after the fact. The match/game is over. Let it be over for you, too.

Instead, why not use every match, every game as an opportunity to ask thoughtful questions that invite critical thinking and real conversation? Perhaps ask your child, since they are the one going through the experience, what did you gain today? What was your personal benefit? What felt particularly challenging while you were participating in the experience? Have you worked out how you feel about the challenge?

Teach them that every experience is FOR them to better understand who they are in each moment, and an opportunity for them to decide who they want to be next. I’m not talking about the actual sport technique or move, they have a coach and a team for that, but in how they feel about themselves and perhaps what they hope to accomplish personally as they play the game. Are they simply doing it for you the parent, grandparent? Are they trying to gain a skill, friendship, understand a concept like self-worth, self-love, motivation?

Ask these kinds of questions without judgment and you’ll learn where your child/grandchild is struggling mentally, emotionally, spiritually (or if they are). If they don’t answer, that’s fine too. Your questions are still heard by them and can begin a bigger, deeper, more intimate process of critical thinking for them.

Help your child by listening and asking good questions so she comes to her own conclusions about what the experience meant for her. What she gained. How she benefited. Then win or lose, the sport isn’t the point. The real win is the opportunity for the child to know themselves in a personal way as a unique individual through their perception of their experience by the choices and decisions they make.

Remember your child/grandchild is the one out on the mat/field/school play participating. Not you. This is about what they are learning about themselves through their experience. This sets them up with critical thinking skills and a sense of self-worth that they can rely on for the rest of their lives. Competition is no longer the focus. Personal development is. That is how a species begins to advance consciously.

Win-win. 

And as always, I’m available for private sessions if you need deeper understanding, support, or guidance in the form of energy work or intuitive life coaching.