How to stop a fight before it starts
As a human being you will be triggered. I will be triggered. Many times, the trigger manifests as conflict.
Why?
Because somewhere within the depths of us old beliefs about right and wrong, and the deep desire to be right all the time lives in us as an identity that will fight to the death if it’s not validated through absolute agreement. It must be right. It’s the only way it can feel secure—for the moment.
What this false sense of us thinks it’s gaining by righteous indignation is security. If a person does not immediately agree with us, that person is suspect. If someone disagrees, that person is the enemy and must be dealt with—usually by ostracization.
None of this is who we are at our core. Most of us know and resonate with the idea that we are co-creators of our reality and are not victims. We are all reflections of the One in individual form
But knowing that won’t matter if we’re in the throes of big emotions like anger and fear. These basic emotions tend to take over our sanity and we end up unconsciously reacting versus consciously responding. In this scenario there must be a winner and a loser. The enormous fear driving us believes it’s a life-or-death situation and we must win. That’s why we never give up our point of view or examine why we believe as we do.
So, what can we do to get out of this mess?
It’s not as hard as you might think. The next time you’re ready to fight, rage against, or try to convince someone about what amounts to an idea, concept, or belief you hold, take a deep breath and ask yourself these questions before you strike:
Why do I care about this?
Is any of this really important to me?
Do I just want to fight to be right?
Does what I’m angry about even matter?
Am I just caught up in the energy of indignation?
Who/what in me cares about this?
Who/what in me needs validation to feel safe?
What in me is scared and needs to make my point at all cost?
Is it okay if other people think differently than me?
Why is it so important that this person believe the same way I do?
Who/what is in control of me right now? What voice am I listening to?
I’ve found these questions useful to center and connect with my highest sane self. It’s helped me discover that I’m usually fighting about nothing trying to pretend it’s something.
Make no mistake, if you’re triggered it’s you. Work from there as best you can.
And as always, I’m available for private sessions if you need deeper understanding, support, or guidance in the form of energy work or intuitive life coaching.