Finding gratitude in your triggers

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I love everything about this holiday of gratitude. The gathering of loved ones, the food traditions, the bit of chill in the air, and the conscious pause to give thanks for life’s blessings, which usually involve the good things in my life and the people I most cherish.

But did you know that there are scientifically proven benefits to expressing gratitude? Wonderful things such as improved physical and psychological health, increased mental strength, better sleep, improved self-esteem, enhanced empathy, reduced aggression, and strengthened resilience.

Think of it—expressing gratitude for the positive stuff already in your life can lower your blood pressure and make you a more popular person to be around. Pretty fabulous, right?

It is, but life isn’t all sugar plums and fluffy kittens, especially during the holidays when you might be stressed and overtired. At those times, even your loved ones can drive you crazy. So how can you be grateful for what triggers you, and why would you want to?

The “why” has already been answered: Gratitude gives you super powers—health, popularity, peace of mind. But in order to be grateful for a person or circumstance that initially feels awful, or frustrating, or overwhelming, you must first find the benefit. And there’s always at least one benefit in every situation.  Once you see it, gratitude is the natural response.

So, how do you flip your idea about what you perceive as a bad thing and find some sort of benefit? Here’s an example: Your mother (apologies upfront to all the mothers ) makes her usual cutting remark about your hair, or the way you handle your household, or your job, or the dryness of the turkey, or whatever it is, and you immediately bristle with resentment.

Resentment is reaction, not response. Resentment is something you feel inside. Because you feel it, it’s yours to work through no matter how or who triggered you. This is your first opportunity to look at this pattern for what it is—a belief that your self-worth is at stake. You’re caught in a debilitating cycle that you need someone else’s approval for you to be whole.

You are whole. You need no one or no thing to make you what you already are. Like Lao Tzu said, “The snow goose need not bathe to make itself white. Neither need you do anything but be yourself.”

To end this pattern, see it immediately as it’s happening. It you feel resistance of any kind, take a deep breath, and say to yourself, “I feel this so I know it’s in me and belongs to me, and it’s okay to feel how I feel in this moment. There’s nothing that needs to be done.”

Without trying to change or resist anything, or think something should be different, you’ve moved into awareness. You’re in the present moment where everything is possible. In the present moment, you feel resentment and that’s okay. Own it. It’s yours, because no one can make you feel anything. This is not about trying to change someone else. You can’t. But by owning your feelings, you end the blame and all the mind stories around the blame. You’re also free of victimhood and the idea that the quality of your life and the joy you experience depends on what someone thinks of you.

In the present moment you’re free of the past, and won’t use it to create your future so no more reaction or patterns of resentment with your mom. You’re now aware of your creative power that’s always present, always yours. You can now respond the way you want to and not react. You get to decide what you want to think about next. I suggest something that brings you joy. This type of mind freedom automatically creates gratitude for whatever created the trigger.

This Thanksgiving, I’m challenging you (and me) to look at the people and circumstances that trigger you most, list the benefits, and you’ll find even more to appreciate.

And as always, I’m available for private or group sessions if you need deeper understanding, support, or guidance through energy work or intuitive life coaching.

If you’d like to learn a couple powerful techniques for having more energy, watch my free video Take Back Your Energy.

If you’d like to learn how to help bring more love to yourself, your families, your neighborhoods, cities, and the world, watch this video on a simple way to change fear energy to Love by using our waterways.