Golden wisdom nuggets from opposite sources
While I’ve been off work recovering from some minor knee surgery, I’ve had the opportunity to do a little television watching (read that as—so bored I don’t know what to do with myself 😉). Two shows stick out: Chris Rock Outrage and Brené Brown’s The Call to Courage. On the surface, neither of these people or shows seem to be anywhere in the same category, yet in some ways they were touching on similar themes.
Chris Rock is a stand-up comedian who delivers his lines using a lot of foul mouth shock tactics reminiscent of George Carlin and Eddie Murphy. I’m not advocating you watch this show, but if you do be prepared for what might be some triggering language and themes. My biggest takeaway is his claim that people’s number one addiction is attention. They want it. Bad.
He says there are four main ways people seek attention on social media platforms in the hopes of be rewarded with “likes.” He lists them in order of the behavior he notices gets the most attention.
Nudity.
Infamous behavior
Excellence
Victimhood
He said it’s much easier to get attention using the first two behaviors than it is to be excellent. Being excellent takes work, he says. The audience booed him for the fourth item—victimhood. His viewpoint is many people claiming victimhood on social media are not actually victims but storytellers wanting attention. He thinks this does a major disservice to those who are true victims and need our love and support.
Brené Brown is widely considered a spiritual thought leader and sought-after speaker. From her I learned the opposite of belonging is fitting in. She says belong to yourself first—be who you are. I agree. But I also think most of us don’t know who that is and tend to want to fit in rather than stand out. Fitting in is often encouraged. Loudly, sometimes.
To know who you are and consciously demonstrate that 24/7 takes a lot of self-examination and work. It’s definitely in line with number 3 on Chris Rock’s attention-getting list. It means having courage by being vulnerable enough to let yourself be seen and loved for who you are. And to keep taking these scary chances even if it doesn’t turn out the way you want it to.
My biggest takeaway from Brené Brown is when you do feel triggered by something a loved one says is to not make yourself a victim. Don’t project your fear, insecurity, and hurt feelings onto your loved one by automatically assuming you know what they meant.
Instead, recognize the story you are fabricating in your own mind and say it out loud to your loved one like this: The story I’m telling myself right now is… (fill in your own blank). Then let your loved one have a chance to explain the story they are telling themselves. Most often the two stories are not the same, and both are projections of past experiences and not a true expression of what is currently happening or being said.
I love this little big idea. And I can see where it can lead to connected conversation and cut down on #4 on the Chris Rock list—victimhood. We feel victimized if we’re not seen, heard, and understood. We move right back into that old childhood trauma pattern. I believe we can move past this by recognizing it might just be a story we’re telling ourselves and not the honest situation.
Be vulnerably brave and find out. Share what you’re thinking and feeling with the person who triggers you.
And as always, I’m available for private sessions if you need deeper understanding, support, or guidance in the form of energy work or intuitive life coaching.