Butting heads? Four scripts that can help
Are you becoming more triggered with the people in your life right now? Are the words and behaviors of others bothering you more than normal? Are you finding that your patience is waning and you’re quicker to judge? Do you find yourself butting heads more often
You’re not alone. People who trigger us are pinging a pain already inside us. But instead of working on the pain within, we tend to blame the messenger. People who trigger us, though not always fun to be around, are extremely valuable to our evolutionary growth.
As Glen Van Ekeren has written, “Sunshine without rain is a desert.”
So, how can we change our trigger-happy selves when we don’t see reality for what it is? We see our personal version of reality through what we hold inside. How can we cultivate higher, expanded relationships with even those we don’t particularly like? How can we end the age-old belief that I’m absolutely right and you’re horribly wrong?
By talking to each other.
And by having a relationship with yourself that is clear that you don’t have to agree, or feel threatened by another if they think differently than you do. Get curious and listen deeply through your heart center, and when triggered here are a few scripts you might find useful:
I heard you say______. I took it like_______. Is that what you meant?
The argument/conversation we had didn’t make me feel good. Can we talk about it? Can you tell me about it from your perspective?
(If you catch someone in a lie) I know you said ______, but you’re still doing______. It’s made me feel strange. Can we talk about it?
(If it happens through text) Rightly or wrongly this comes across as_________. Can you tell me about it from your perspective?
If you’ve tried to understand from a higher perspective and the conversation turns south, now you know what’s real. Trust that you decided today to have the conversation because you are ready. Trust that today you are strong and are ready to hear what you weren’t ready to hear yesterday.
In the case of a romantic relationship, if you’re walking on eggshells and can’t be who you are or if you can’t be real and have an honest conversation about the tough stuff and the relationship doesn’t get stronger—you’re in the wrong relationship. Your energy is valuable! Be conscious about who you give it to. You don’t help either of you and actually weaken your energy field by denying your truth in favor of placating someone else.
Dare to have the hard conversations. It’s an empowering way forward on your life path.
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