This important question alleviates misunderstandings

Have you ever noticed the way people install toilet paper on the holder? It’s either with the paper rolling over or under. Neither is right or wrong, it’s just interesting to me that each person has their personal preference on how the roll “should” go on the holder.

Now imagine how much more involved the personal preferences are for what a relationship “should” look like. Based on everyone’s unique life experiences, we tend to see things one way—our way, and that’s the “right” way.

When it comes to conscious relationships, there’s a question that must be answered: do you want to be right? Or do you want a relationship without dysfunction? Always your choice.

If you decide for conscious relationship, then honest, clear communication is imperative. Most people can’t read minds, so you must tell them what’s on yours in a way that invites openness, not defensiveness.

One of the best questions you can ask when feeling triggered by what someone says is: I heard you say_______. Is that what you meant?

This simple statement takes responsibility for your feelings or perceptions without making the other “wrong” for how you feel, and directly asks for clarification without assuming anything.

Trouble in relationships often happens when we “think” we know what someone’s intent is. We tend to fill in the blank by leaping to an assumption based on our painful past. Instead of immediately asking the person what they meant, we assume we know.

I’ve found this one statement goes a long way toward clearing hurt feelings based on misperceptions, and opens the door wide for real understanding, trust, and depth in relationships.

And as always, I’m available for private sessions if you need deeper understanding, support, or guidance in the form of energy work or intuitive life coaching.